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  • Writer's pictureYvonne Coleman


Updated: Dec 10, 2023

"Do you want to be liked or do you want to be loved?"

That’s a hard question right. For some, it would be easier to answer and for others, it can be troublesome. But what does the research say? The Secret to Happiness: Feeling Good or Feeling Right talks about just that. The article begins with a depicted comparison of Aristotle and Contemporary Research. In his early findings, Aristotle was one of the many founders of theory in the world of Psychology. He primarily focused on the Psyche, a word used to describe both the mind and soul to develop a rough framework of human behavior, reasoning, and impulses. Aristotle also believed that the more we process how we truly feel, the happier we are. The article states that “such emotions are not necessarily pleasant emotions and may even be unpleasant, like anger or fear. Indeed, Aristotle held that the absence of unpleasant emotions is not an indicator of happiness. Instead, happiness is linked to feeling unpleasant emotions when they are appropriate and goal-conducive” (Tamir, Schwartz, Oishi, & Kim, 2017).

The Article also highlights recent studies done around the world. With a group sample of 2,324 from 8 countries around the world, researchers found that “happiness involves experienced emotions that feel right where they are good or not” (Tamir, Schwartz, Oishi, & Kim, 2017).

As a woman today, it's easy to become consumed by the idealistic expectations of beauty. Women around the world invest so much time, money, and effort to perfect themselves to fit into a mold created by social media. Lots of young girls follow beauty legends injuring themselves mentally, emotionally, and physically to be "beautiful!" It’s a dichotomy, a conflict, a battle between the persona and the true self. Persona-- The Character is a facade that consumes us and forces us to let go of things to have a larger life, but we become oblivious to the true self. Playing roles, living up to societal standards, allowing ourselves to become something we are not, and during that, we give our energy, we invest in unnecessary emotions, such as depression, body dysmorphic disorder (becoming obsessed with your flaws), anorexia and bulimia nervosa, etc.

How is this relatable to the self? As a woman, we may not realize it, but we are great at multitasking. We are always thinking about the next thing we must do. After a while, the real us starts to fade away.

The Self-- Reflection of true intimacy for ourselves. Often, we deal with unresolved emotions in weird ways; and that’s when the self becomes underground, a hidden figure. Change is necessary, change is healthy. Everyone wants glamour, to be seen, and to live up to the expectations of beauty, but we need to remember to be authentic. Many theorists are intrigued by the disappearance of the physical symptoms that are overpowered by the mental and emotional components of life. We become so involved with life that we cope with indulging in something else to avoid emotions. Some of us turn to substance abuse and anger. Nobody can die for you, and no one can live for you, if you don’t live for your, you're wasting your life. The head is all about time and strategy, but we fail to realize that the heart is what speaks the truth.

Again “Does it feel good or does it feel right?” "Do you want to be liked or do you want to be loved?"



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